Charles Gati: “Who the F*ck is this Viktor Orban?”

Professor Gáti in a light-hearted mood. Not long ago he started writing a weekly column in Népszava on life and politics in the United States. This particular piece, which appeared yesterday, was the most read article in the whole paper.

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FAKE NEWS EXCLUSIVE! President Donald J. Trump has recently dealt with U.S.-Hungarian relations.

Chief Adviser (CA): Mr. President! The Hungarian prime minister, a certain Viktor Orban, expects to be invited to the White House.

Donald J. Trump: Who the f*ck is Viktor Orban?

CA: He was a liberal at the end of the last century, he’s now illiberal. Once he was anti-Soviet, even anti-Russian, he’s now pro-Russian.

Trump: Sounds good to me. I adore Putin.

CA: Putin visits Budapest several times every year.

Trump: Where’s Budapest?

CA: It’s the capital of Hungary, northeast of Slovenia.

Trump: Oh, yes. Melania was born there, and one of my previous wives came from somewhere around there.

CA: Melania is of Slovenian origin, Ivana is of Czech origin.

Trump: Don’t lecture me. I know that. But what does this Orban know of us?

CA: There was a time when he looked up to America, but your predecessors refused to see him. Bill Clinton was his idol in the 1990s.

Trump: Anyone who likes a Clinton is a jerk.

CA: Excuse me, Mr. President! Times change. Before our elections last year, Orban came out for you, not for Mrs. Clinton. Nowadays he constantly attacks George Soros, the European Union, and the free press. He holds his opponents in contempt, obstructing their activities. His relations with Merkel are poor. His deputy has just compared a leader of the EU to Hitler.

Trump: So, he’s a lot like me. Does he read my tweets too?

CA: Mr. Orban has shown a preference for Facebook, that’s where he fights the enemy.

Trump: How come such a great guy has enemies?

CA: He has no enemies, he may even get himself reelected next spring, but he constantly seeks fights. His fans fall for this – and for him.

Trump: OK, let’s invite him. Tell him to rent two whole floors at the Trump Hotel. Full price, no discount.

CA: When should he come?

Trump: The sooner the better. Who knows our political future? We can be up today, down tomorrow.

CA: We do have a small problem, Mr. President. We don’t really know why Mr. Orban wants to visit with you, although according to some rumors he may be ready to buy American weapons.

Trump (sighs): It would be just great to sell him weapons, but Congress may refuse to permit such a sale. These folks in Congress take relations with a pro-Russian country quite seriously.

CA: The Hungarians don’t have such problems. Their Parliament is in Orban’s pocket. The reps there cling on his words. Most of the media is under his thump.

Trump: He’s a lucky guy. I wish I could be Hungary’s president. I’d make Orban my deputy.

CA: Should we make your wish part of the agenda then?

Trump: Absolutely! We will also discuss our amazing successes.  Then I’ll report on them on Tweeter, he’ll do it on Facebook. But if Orban states publicly that it’s the greatest honor of his life to meet me, we’ll go and play golf too.

CA: He plays soccer, can’t play golf.

Trump: In the age of fake news this is no problem at all. Golf? Soccer? What’s the difference? Fact is what I tweet. And my tweet will say that my historic encounter with Mr. Orban was an unparalleled success. Like everything else that I do.

December 21, 2017
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1956
Guest

Hungary may turn into Somalia, and the smart Charles Gati is amused. Very sad.

Somalia turned into a failed state as soon as it took advice from the Kremlin. 1974 Ogaden War!

petofi
Guest

@ 1956

“…turn into Somalia…” ?

It already IS.

Michael Kaplan
Guest

I had no idea that Professor Gati could be so funny. A great historian/political scientist,I had forgotten the equally funny stories about the ignorance-understandable-of Roosevelt, Eisenhower and Reagan regarding all things Hungarian commented on in the introduction to Professor Gati’s “Hungary and the Soviet Bloc”. Glad to hear that his sense of humor is intact.

petofi
Guest

No reason why anyone should know of Hungary. Atleast 90% of famous Hungarians are jews, and by Hungarian standards, they are not ‘Hungarians’ but ‘Israelites’ !

Kiraly, Julia
Guest

Excellent! Nice Christmas gift for us. Congrat to Charles and tahnks to Eva!

wrfree
Guest

Just when I thought laughs went out the window when it came to Magyar relations! More so we can decompress.. 😎👍

Guest

Of course this reminds me of the similarly structured play on Horthy and another US president (Roosevelt?) re the admiral without a navy and the kingdom without a king …
Nicely modernised, professor Gati -thank you!

J Simon
Guest

Just one difference regarding you, Mr. President, and Orban.
Ja, and whats that?
He got two-thirds of his country
s vote while you got less than half.
Okey, maybe I should talk to that guy, how he did it.

Jean P
Guest

“He got two-thirds of his countrys vote..”

Fake news.

Ferenc
Guest

mindent, amit J Simon ír,
sajnos igazán tűzi-FÁK HÍR

Guest

Joe, you’re even stupider than I thought!

Orbán got around 40% of the votes …

But the “clever” new election system translated this into a win – just like the 200 years old US system did for Trump.
And what’s also interesting:
Compared to real democracies in Central and Western Europe where voter participation is usually in the 70% – 80% range, in Hungary like in the USA it’s just a bit above 50%, though for different reasons!

Observer
Guest

Just one difference regarding you, Mr. President, and Orban.
Ja, and whats that?
He’s got two-thirds of the seats in his parliament with less than 38%* of the vote.
Oh he can’t do that ?! … Is this a fact? … Wow, he’s something! I must talk to this guy and quickly, we fix some problems before November.

* 5% at least gained by the winner compensation.

petofi
Guest

Trump and Orban: two pimples on the ass of civilization…

Ferenc
Guest

Editor in chief of Vasarnapi Hirek leaves paper.
Reason: government adverts/propaganda
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10215292509214963&set=a.1357197458951.51348.1501927564&type=3
http://hvg.hu/itthon/20171223_A_kormany_uszito_hirdetesei_miatt_felall_a_Vasarnapi_Hirek_foszerkesztoje
Vasarnapi Hirek is joined with Nepszava, in both media are appear KOSZ-Hird (Kormany Szervezett Hirdetes – Government Organized Advertising), personally I was pretty annoyed when I checked the Hungarian version of Gati’s writing on Nepszava and first popped up the disgusting latest government advert.
May that’s why Eva didn’t give the link in the post…
And wondering what Charles Gati himself thinks of it…

I understand it’s a tough decision, media have difficulty to stay alive, all money is welcome, but there are limits… Personally I would only run such ads, if there is a way to together with the ad the media can give it’s opinion about the ad’s message…

Ivan
Guest

I couldn’t agree more, Ferenc. And the ad kept bouncing back on every page: it would not be dismissed. The government just kept blasting its bad breath in my face.